Number 15.
Never underestimate the power of a good or bad haircut. That girl or guy you're digging oh-so-much, picture him/her with a different hairstyle and see if you still feel like fucking them.
Because I will tell you this for nothin', one day they'll arrive at your door with a dodgy new hair do and you'll be re-thinkning a few life choices. Hair changes EVERYTHING.
This may seem horribly shallow and lets face it, it really is, beauty is only skin deep and all that jazz but, trust me on this one.
Number 16.
Appreciate the simple things in life.
Fuck buddies you can whistle up at a moments notice, those seriously handsome men and women you know little to nothing about other than the size of their..shoes..the ones that simply fuck you then fuck off without complications, because they are a god send. Find yourself one now. No commitment, no emotional attachment, no communication other than the obligatory booty call, no muss, no fuss.
Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am.
Speaking of which, do not underestimate the power of the chips and mayonnaise combo.
An under appreciated snack of dreams.
In fact appreciate condiments in general, a world without condiments would be a dull and fruitless one.
Number 17.
Do not fall for someone just because they show and interest in you.
This one should be a non brainer because lets face it, we aren't fucking neanderthals throwing rocks and lobbing wood at people we fancy the look of to get their attentions, thrilled to be hit by a lump of wood.
But lets face it, it's flattering being smacked round the head with the metaphorical lump of timber, especially if you're feeling a little self doubting or you've just been shat on from a great height by that girl or guy you thought was 'the one'.
Please.
We have the luxury of being able to pick and choose who we do (literally) and don't take a liking to so for christ's sake, if you are going for someone because they're going for you, you need to tell yourself to man the fuck up. You're a sparkly stardust person and you deserve to fancy the socks off someone just as much as they fancy you.
Number 18.
LADIES, yep, you, the one with the black squidgy clump of eye make-up wedged in the corner of your eye, fucking sort it out. It is SO unbecoming.
Number 19.
Whilst we're on the subject of make-up, for the love of all things holy, what is 'lets draw on our eyebrows on so badly that we all look like clowns' routine all about? Stop it!
A cheeky little bit of shaping with a pencil or shadow the same colour as your eyebrow hair is totally acceptable but anything more and you simply look like a cunt.
Number 20.
Today someone said to me something along the lines of "there's nothing wrong with a woman having a dirty mouth from time to time."
It was a throw away comment but it struck a cord with me and I thought fuck that shit.
A woman should and may be exactly as she pleases at any given moment. Should do what she pleases, when she pleases, and please let me make this clear, this is not me being feminist, a man is totally within his right to do exactly the same thing. This also isn't me being ignorant to circumstance or code of conduct, one must and should always be aware of ones surroundings and lets face it, not be too much of a cunt, other than that, eat your bloody heart out lads.
Do what feels right at the time, overthinking is the root of evil. You'll work yourself up in to a head-fuck and ruin what could be something lovely.
Be conscious of your actions but not ruled by what you think you should be doing to impress other people, fuck em'.
Number 21.
Life is brief. Be aware of that harrowing fucker of a fact and let it influence your desicions but do not dwell on it because you'll end up in a mental asylum rocking in the corner mumbling about the universe and ants predicting the weather.
Number 22.
Thongs are the devils work and should be burnt at the stake. So are padded bra's on un-booby people. Seriously, who the fuck do you think you're kidding. Embrace those bad boys whatever size they are! You're only going to have a line of disappointed dim witted men who fell for your padded charms on face value, only to be bitterly disappointed once they whip your bra off, not to mention a line of obvious padding that pokes through the layer of your Tesco cheap cotton t-shirt is a total giveaway..
Number 23.
It's very important to learn how to trust your own judgement. Until recently I had been, to some extent, an 'ask for other people's opinion before making my mind up' type of girl. Let me tell you something, not everything needs to be aired and asked for someone else's judgement. Making your own mind up and getting behind your own choices without outside opinions, (which don't forget, are seen through their eyes from their ego driven points of view) is a very liberating thing.
Number 24.
It is not always necessary to tell friends/family/lovers everything you think, feel, do or see.
It's really important to keep something back just for you, so when you need to because someone ups and leaves, emotionally, physically or otherwise, or is unavailable for whatever purpose they serve for you, you have a kind of reserve to fall back on. You can fall back on yourself. And that is one hell of a string to your bow, actually being able to be able to catch yourself if you fall off your perch a little is a magnificent thing.
Number 25.
Listen to this.
Please.
We have the luxury of being able to pick and choose who we do (literally) and don't take a liking to so for christ's sake, if you are going for someone because they're going for you, you need to tell yourself to man the fuck up. You're a sparkly stardust person and you deserve to fancy the socks off someone just as much as they fancy you.
Number 18.
LADIES, yep, you, the one with the black squidgy clump of eye make-up wedged in the corner of your eye, fucking sort it out. It is SO unbecoming.
Number 19.
Whilst we're on the subject of make-up, for the love of all things holy, what is 'lets draw on our eyebrows on so badly that we all look like clowns' routine all about? Stop it!
A cheeky little bit of shaping with a pencil or shadow the same colour as your eyebrow hair is totally acceptable but anything more and you simply look like a cunt.
Number 20.
Today someone said to me something along the lines of "there's nothing wrong with a woman having a dirty mouth from time to time."
It was a throw away comment but it struck a cord with me and I thought fuck that shit.
A woman should and may be exactly as she pleases at any given moment. Should do what she pleases, when she pleases, and please let me make this clear, this is not me being feminist, a man is totally within his right to do exactly the same thing. This also isn't me being ignorant to circumstance or code of conduct, one must and should always be aware of ones surroundings and lets face it, not be too much of a cunt, other than that, eat your bloody heart out lads.
Do what feels right at the time, overthinking is the root of evil. You'll work yourself up in to a head-fuck and ruin what could be something lovely.
Be conscious of your actions but not ruled by what you think you should be doing to impress other people, fuck em'.
Number 21.
Life is brief. Be aware of that harrowing fucker of a fact and let it influence your desicions but do not dwell on it because you'll end up in a mental asylum rocking in the corner mumbling about the universe and ants predicting the weather.
Number 22.
Thongs are the devils work and should be burnt at the stake. So are padded bra's on un-booby people. Seriously, who the fuck do you think you're kidding. Embrace those bad boys whatever size they are! You're only going to have a line of disappointed dim witted men who fell for your padded charms on face value, only to be bitterly disappointed once they whip your bra off, not to mention a line of obvious padding that pokes through the layer of your Tesco cheap cotton t-shirt is a total giveaway..
Number 23.
It's very important to learn how to trust your own judgement. Until recently I had been, to some extent, an 'ask for other people's opinion before making my mind up' type of girl. Let me tell you something, not everything needs to be aired and asked for someone else's judgement. Making your own mind up and getting behind your own choices without outside opinions, (which don't forget, are seen through their eyes from their ego driven points of view) is a very liberating thing.
Number 24.
It is not always necessary to tell friends/family/lovers everything you think, feel, do or see.
It's really important to keep something back just for you, so when you need to because someone ups and leaves, emotionally, physically or otherwise, or is unavailable for whatever purpose they serve for you, you have a kind of reserve to fall back on. You can fall back on yourself. And that is one hell of a string to your bow, actually being able to be able to catch yourself if you fall off your perch a little is a magnificent thing.
Number 25.
Listen to this.
No comments:
Post a Comment