You Can't Fight Your Destiny

"“Accept everything about yourself — I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end — no apologies, no regrets.” –Clark Moustakas

I'm not quite sure where i'm going with this post yet, I had a thought this evening and I wanted to run with it so bear with me boys and girls. Everything i'm about to say is probably a contradiction of itself and almost certainly not to be taken as read.

To begin with this is being written by someone deeply cynical about whether or not romantic love actually exists. The kind of love that I'm talking about is reciprocated and unwavering. To be in love is to be loved, is it not? If you love and aren't loved in return, is it still love?
For someone as cynical as I, I'm about to say 'love' a whole heap of times, hold onto your knickers.
Still with me? Then I'll begin.

I was reading an article yesterday about humans quite obviously being creatures of habit and that we will follow the same patterns again and again, choosing and letting the 'wrong' people into our lives when we should really be choosing 'better' people, more suitable partners or friends, and all of a sudden I had a thought. 

As long as the situations and relationships aren't harmful to you in a physical or mental abuse sense, should we really be fighting against them?

Aren't these people we are so drawn to, the people for us? 

Let me elaborate..

 If you choose to go for someone who is the opposite of everything you're so drawn to, you're surely setting yourself up for a fall, aren't you? And i'm not talking the stomach churning, I can't live without you love fall, I'm talking more permanent dissatisfaction, no matter how much better they might be for your heart rate and stress levels. I believe one can scrimp and save on everything else in life, but not love. Go all out. Feel everything and let it consume you. 

If you are drawn to wonderful but destructive relationships that make you explode and implode at the same time, make your emotions overflow for better of worse, I say stay in them and feel everything intensely, let it overpower you momentarily, because in these cases of extreme end of the spectrum love, it is always the most for filling but almost impossible to keep afloat for too long because the initial all encompassing infatuation flame is bound to go out pretty quickly. If you are lucky enough to find someone who is utterly interconnected with you as much as you are with them for the love of god just revel in the madness and all consuming infatuation for as long as you can because these are the real moments in life. 

Where you are blown wide open and the other person picks you up and places your pieces back together so delicately and in such a way that you are more whole than before.

Now don't get me wrong, this kind of love, the destructive, hand clasping, heart beating out of your chest kind of adoration is emotionally turbulent, soul destroying, uplifting, terrifying, sobbing on the kitchen floor at 4am begging something or someone out in the vast unknown for guidance, breathless, all consuming, can't bare to be apart for a moment, if you are you want to die love.

By going for someone who goes against everything you find attractive and endearing, someone who would be oh-so-much better for your mental stability and for your anxiety but oh so wrong for your, for want of a better word, 'soul'.

What I'm saying is you cannot fight your nature without feeling a little hard done by.

And ultimately by fighting ones nature you are going against yourself, I believe thats where people go so wrong and lose themselves. 

I'm not condoning relationships that are physically or mentally destructive, I am not saying go for head fucks because I assure you, you will just not know where you stand, ever, however appealing the good bits are. 

If someone physically or mentally hurts you on purpose, get the hell out now and don't look back.

 On a side note, it seems like people always need a 'good enough' reason to leave, which I would say is down to loyalty. Wanting to leave someone is a perfectly good reason to leave. Just go.

I'm saying that if we simply accepted that we are a certain way and that our blue print is hardwired to think and feel in the way we do, we would be a lot better off not questioning it so much. 

Wouldn't we?

Now I am not saying don't question all together or don't strive for better if thats what you want or feel you need, what I am saying is don't berate yourself for being the way you are, feeling the way you do.

Fighting against your nature and blocking emotions out is a hiding to nothing.

I promise you any suppressed emotions will bubble to the surface and come out as some sort of physical manifestation, be that anxiety, fear, paranoia, hell, unfelt emotions can even cause physical illnesses. 

Simply put, divorcing ones health from ones emotions is an impossibility.

The classic definition of stress is “any real or imagined threat, and your body’s response to it.” Your body’s natural stress response can have a significant impact on your immune function, brain chemistry, blood sugar levels, hormonal balance, and oh so much more.

The end point of this is you have to go with your heart, don't fight against the tide. Embrace love and emotions that blindsides you out of nowhere, the unexpected oh-my-god-this-cant-be-real, is this real life love.

Be consumed and if you can learn to live along side it whilst diving into it headfirst, you're onto a winner.

The Blind Leading The Blind Part Two

Number 15.

Never underestimate the power of a good or bad haircut. That girl or guy you're digging oh-so-much, picture him/her with a different hairstyle and see if you still feel like fucking them.

Because I will tell you this for nothin', one day they'll arrive at your door with a dodgy new hair do and you'll be re-thinkning a few life choices. Hair changes EVERYTHING.

This may seem horribly shallow and lets face it, it really is, beauty is only skin deep and all that jazz but, trust me on this one.

Number 16. 

Appreciate the simple things in life.

Fuck buddies you can whistle up at a moments notice, those seriously handsome men and women you know little to nothing about other than the size of their..shoes..the ones that simply fuck you then fuck off without complications, because they are a god send. Find yourself one now. No commitment, no emotional attachment, no communication other than the obligatory booty call, no muss, no fuss.

Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am.

Speaking of which, do not underestimate the power of the chips and mayonnaise combo.

An under appreciated snack of dreams.

In fact appreciate condiments in general, a world without condiments would be a dull and fruitless one.

Number 17.

Do not fall for someone just because they show and interest in you.

This one should be a non brainer because lets face it, we aren't fucking neanderthals throwing rocks and lobbing wood at people we fancy the look of to get their attentions, thrilled to be hit by a lump of wood. 

But lets face it, it's flattering being smacked round the head with the metaphorical lump of timber, especially if you're feeling a little self doubting or you've just been shat on from a great height by that girl or guy you thought was 'the one'.
Please.
We have the luxury of being able to pick and choose who we do (literally) and don't take a liking to so for christ's sake, if you are going for someone because they're going for you, you need to tell yourself to man the fuck up. You're a sparkly stardust person and you deserve to fancy the socks off someone just as much as they fancy you.

Number 18.
LADIES, yep, you, the one with the black squidgy clump of eye make-up wedged in the corner of your eye, fucking sort it out. It is SO unbecoming.

Number 19.
Whilst we're on the subject of make-up, for the love of all things holy, what is 'lets draw on our eyebrows on so badly that we all look like clowns' routine all about? Stop it!
A cheeky little bit of shaping with a pencil or shadow the same colour as your eyebrow hair is totally acceptable but anything more and you simply look like a cunt.

Number 20.
Today someone said to me something along the lines of "there's nothing wrong with a woman having a dirty mouth from time to time."
It was a throw away comment but it struck a cord with me and I thought fuck that shit.
A woman should and may be exactly as she pleases at any given moment. Should do what she pleases, when she pleases, and please let me make this clear, this is not me being feminist, a man is totally within his right to do exactly the same thing. This also isn't me being ignorant to circumstance or code of conduct, one must and should always be aware of ones surroundings and lets face it, not be too much of a cunt, other than that, eat your bloody heart out lads.
Do what feels right at the time, overthinking is the root of evil. You'll work yourself up in to a head-fuck and ruin what could be something lovely.
Be conscious of your actions but not ruled by what you think you should be doing to impress other people, fuck em'.

Number 21.
Life is brief. Be aware of that harrowing fucker of a fact and let it influence your desicions but do not dwell on it because you'll end up in a mental asylum rocking in the corner mumbling about the universe and ants predicting the weather.

Number 22.
Thongs are the devils work and should be burnt at the stake. So are padded bra's on un-booby people. Seriously, who the fuck do you think you're kidding. Embrace those bad boys whatever size they are! You're only going to have a line of disappointed dim witted men who fell for your padded charms on face value, only to be bitterly disappointed once they whip your bra off, not to mention a line of obvious padding that pokes through the layer of your Tesco cheap cotton t-shirt is a total giveaway..

Number 23.
It's very important to learn how to trust your own judgement. Until recently I had been, to some extent, an 'ask for other people's opinion before making my mind up' type of girl. Let me tell you something, not everything needs to be aired and asked for someone else's judgement. Making your own mind up and getting behind your own choices without outside opinions, (which don't forget, are seen through their eyes from their ego driven points of view) is a very liberating thing.

Number 24.
It is not always necessary to tell friends/family/lovers everything you think, feel, do or see.
It's really important to keep something back just for you, so when you need to because someone ups and leaves, emotionally, physically or otherwise, or is unavailable for whatever purpose they serve for you, you have a kind of reserve to fall back on. You can fall back on yourself. And that is one hell of a string to your bow, actually being able to be able to catch yourself if you fall off your perch a little is a magnificent thing.

Number 25.
Listen to this.

The Blind Leading The Blind

Hello Sailor(s)!

After a lengthy hiatus I'm back with a little life advice and a few rather spunky opinions.

(Because I am such an incredible example of a girl and so utterly wise it hurts)

I'm going to ramble, write the first things that come into my head and you'll have to sift through it all to find any form of gold.

You see I often find myself writing notes down on my iPhone about what I've learnt from certain interesting situations and I thought I'd be a kind soul and pass my somewhat twisted thoughts on to those in need.

Now I think it best I start off by saying I am not by any means a fucking professional at this strange three ring shit circus that is life, I'm simply opinionated and a serious over thinker.

Disclaimer 
I use swear words like they're going out of fashion and I mean them in the most lighthearted of ways.

Number One. 

It is perfectly acceptable to say in any situation that once seemed promising but has seemingly turned to rat shit, "fuck this fucking shit." Be it a friendship, job, relationship, you have the right to simply walk away. And if you want to be a proper cold hearted bastard you don't even have to explain your actions, simply say "fuck this' and walk away with your head held high and your balls hefty with all the metaphorical steel they're carrying. 

If it no longer serves you, fuck it. 

Number 2.

 If you get that gut instinct feeling, bloody follow it. Something doesn't feel right? It almost certainly isn't. Don't over think this one too much. If your stomach does that 'somethin' ain't right' flip learn to listen to it and trust it. If I had a dime for the amount of times my gut has been right about something or someone i'd be writing this on a yacht in the Bahamas.

Go with your god damn gut chaps.

Number 3.
Just when you thought you were alright eating your gluten free, dairy free, hair free toast and drinking your protein shake you'll be blindsided by bullshit out of nowhere thoughts that just really want to fuck up your Tuesday.

Here's a handy as fuck tip to get you out of those shit fucking moments.

Music is one of the most emotive things in the world, in my opinion, one of the best/worst inventions known to man. The first few bars of a song can either cripple or cure you. In times of 'oh my fucking christ where's my head and what am I going to do to get my shit together and actually be able to human today' I turn to a specific set of songs that instantly make me feel perkier. One is Love In An Elevator by Aerosmith, I was going through an absolute cunt of a break up years back and my dear father took me to see them in London. We ate chocolate covered popcorn and drank Gin and danced away to that song and I realised in that moment that life really wasn't so bad and there were so many more interesting things to be consumed by than boys, I trained my mind for the foreseeable months after the gig to hear the chorus of that song any time a bad thought popped into my head. This is a nifty little trick that takes a bit of practise. Find a song that makes you instantly happy, one that you associate with a certain happy moment (no a song you and an arsehole ex boyfriend/girlfriend listened to, that defeats the fucking point) one that makes you happy on your own, with your cat eating ice cream or Kentucky Fried Fucking Chicken.
Since god has blessed us with an iPhone simply carry earphones wherever you go and plug those bad boys in whenever you feel mopey.

Here are a few cheeky suggestions;

Beat It - Michael Jackson
Kate Bush - Cloudbusting
I Can't Go For That - Hall & Oats
Elevate - St. Lucia
Over You - Roxy Music
Rebel Rebel - David Bowie
Nigga's in Paris - Kanye & Jay-Z, obvs.
Yes - McAlmont & Butler
Panama - Destroyer
Shut Up - Stormzy (innit)
Zayn whats his face from One Direction - LIKE I WOULD  (Fucking banger.)

Number 4.
Long distance relationships are bullshit. Take it from an old campaigner. Just don't do it. Ever. Nope. Stop. Bollocks to it. Don't even think about it. HALT.
No good will ever come of it. You'll both be wondering if one another are rodgering every Tom, Dick or Harry on a nightly basis, that is unless you have an 'unbreakable bond and trust each other implicitly', please. We aren't in a fucking Jane Austin novel.

Number 5.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please for the sake of your own fate be aware that when you are in a dimly lit public room i.e. a public house, brothel/whore house and you check your phone every five fucking seconds to see if that 'oh so hot' Tinder guy/girl you so want to match with has liked you back, you are quite literally shining a spotlight up your nose and highlighting your double chin making anyone who actually still does the whole talking to people in bars thing, instantly aware of your oily forehead and dodgy bronzer. The aim here is to give yourself the best chance possible at being even remotely appealing, don't fuck it up numb nuts.

Number 6.
Do not and I mean really do not expect anyone to fill you up (unless, well, except for when they are actually filling you up, god willing they're man enough for the job)
You need to fill yourself up with a fuck load of whatever takes your fancy (no we are not talking cock, unless that's all your after, crack on love) This day and age just screeeeeaaaaammmsss for us to find one other person who will love us so much that all our insecurities and downfalls simply disappear in a puff of hot air. Well here's a news flash, that ain't real life darlin'. Get the bloody idealistic story book love out of your head tout de suite. You've got to work on your own god damn shit and get it so together that should someone lovely come into your life, all they will do is enhance it, not become it. That's so fucking unhealthy and you're setting yourself up for one hell of a headfucked fall. This all consuming, obsessive love and infatuation is an absolute mother fucker because unless it's reciprocated and really felt bouncing back from someones very core, sincerely, it will send you up the wall. Literally, you'll drive your dodgy little Ford Fiesta into the nearest bricks and mortar.

Number 7.
Don't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks.
It's fucking liberating.

Number 8.
Don't do anything to impress anyone else. So you got dumped, do not, I repeat do not stalk the next poor fucker up in line on social media and emulate their bullshit to try and win back said wanker. Seriously, writing it down this sounds like such nonsense but the amount of people I've seen trying to be a copycat is just embarrassing. Yes you've been fucked over, if someone leaves, let em'! Which leads me onto my next oh so fascinating bit of information I have up my sleeve..

Number 9.
Listen very, very carefully chaps. If someone leaves you, be that relationship wise, friendship, pimp, unloving bastard uncle twice removed for good reason. You let them leave. Do not under any circumstance chase after anyone who willingly leaves you. You are not a fucking imbecile. Please have some self respect and don't be a fucking wet blanket. I can personally say it is utterly liberating telling someone to sling their bleedin' hook when they inevitably come striding back in with muddy feet, and I assure you, they will come back and you'll just wish they'd fuck back off again.

Number 10.
Nothing is permanent. This is both a blessing and a curse. Know without a doubt that any bad situation you may find yourself in will not mean nearly as much as you think and feel it does at this very moment in time, next week, next month and by this time next year I promise you that it will be a mere bad memory. Because everything is ever changing! If you can see that as a positive and not something scary, you're onto a serious bloody winner.

Number 11.
When someone doesn't respond to a text, a call, a telegram, carrier pigeon, the not replying is a response in itself. Yes you'll undoubtedly feel a little hard done by and left hanging but people are selfish and rarely able to express themselves fuck faces and the silence is answer enough.
Sometimes you have to throw your hands up in the air and leave things unsaid, things left half done for the sake of your own sanity stop obsessing over the could and would haves and leave things hanging, pass it off as a bad experience, learn from it and move the fuck on.

Number 12.
Every single fucker that comes into your life will enlighten you in some way shape or form. I'm not talking Buddha style, lets not get too big for our bloody boots here. I'm talking take the good, learn from the bad kind of thing. I've been shown some of the best music by utter arsehole people who I thought were oh so great at the time. Take the shit hot titbits people feed you, discard the bullshit.

Number 13.
Try not to dwell or worry about things you have no control over.
The worrying won't do anything if you can't control it and if you can control it then there's no need to worry. Got it? Good.

Number 14.
This is something I've begun to realise is almost certainly the key to long lasting happiness.
If you can accept a situation exactly as it is, without wanting or expecting more you are onto a sure winner. What i'm saying here is if you can learn to enjoy moments without wanting more from them, just simply revelling in the sheer joy of actually being able to experience something good for even the smallest amount of time, and realising that these moments are a gift that you should be bloody fucking grateful for, you will be well on your way to a fuck head free mind and all round sparkly life.


Being the changeable bastard that I am, all this information will be irrelevant this time next week, pick the bones of it and apply it (or not, probably best not) to your little lives and see how you get on.

Well, thats all for now folks.
Stay Golden Pony Boy x