Lovers & Fuckers.

Well it hasn't half been a while.

And in true me form, I'm back with a rather offensive thud.

A few days ago I got to thinking about online dating.

I realise this is rather a sensitive subject to write about, seeing as it seems to be the most popular go to way to meet people in this day and age. 

Statistics say that 46% of Tinders users are lying little bastards when they say they're single.

With a staggering 10 million (yes, million) people using Tinder daily, they boast that they can indeed do magic, matching up 1 Billion couples. 

One fucking billion. 

Here's a fun scary fact, the largest age block of users age range from 25 years old to 34 years young. The second largest are a baffling tiddly tiny 16-24 years old. My point is why are these young men and women searching with their fingers through false profiles with fake promises, instead of getting their young arses out of the house and off of their phones to find a match? 

What's gone so wrong that people need a screen in front of them to feel confident enough to sell themselves as desirable?

So here's my take on it, and before I embark on a wordy rant, I feel I must say  this.

Nothing I'm about to say here should be taken as any kind of suggestion or evidence that anyones personally chosen way of having sex or a relationship or anything one person needs, wants or desires when it comes to either thing is right or wrong. 

Phew. 

I'll begin. 

It's a virtual reality and isn't in fact about making a life long match or any real connection at all, it's about fulfilling a certain need quickly and evidently quite effectively.

 You can re-invent yourself completely, hell, you don't even have to use your own name let alone your own picture. You can be anyone, say anything. 

After all, who are you really talking to? 

For all you know it could be a strange kinky little robot with a penchant for nipple clamps.

Do morals and beliefs get left at the proverbial door or do they fail to exist in the first place?

Isn't it just a way to hook up and sleep with people of a similar mindset who aren't brave enough walk up to someone in a bar in fear of being shunned or misunderstood?

With tag lines like "do you have a dead donkey, because I'd be willing to stuff that ass" can anyone really expect to find love? 

Statistics say that most men are on theses sites to fulfill a sexual fantasy, with the protection of their computer screen as a wing man in case shit hits the fan. 

Statistics also say that men drawn to these sort of sites are not ready or able to embark on a real relationship, moving from one online created connection to the next without ever really having to worry about the consequences. Let's face it, one simple block of a finger and you're as good as a missing person, never to be found again by the poor 'unsuspecting' insignificant others.

It didn't particularly come as a surprise to me that I couldn't find much about the kind of women attracted to dating sites, it would seem as if women want men to look like the bastards here, hunting for innocent girls to prey on, when I know for sure that women are on these sites looking for a casual fling with no strings attached.

And may I just say, fair play to both sexes. If that tickles your fancy, you carry on. 

The internet dating world enables us to engage in such a way which is as good as meaningless. 

Which leads me onto my next point, how can anyone fall for it and why doesn't it just come out the god damn closet and front up to what it really is. A no strings attached, no frills quick fuck then fuck off affair. 

I believe there are a few kind hearted souls who really are on there to find their little fairytale ending, the majority of users (being the operative word) are purely on there for sexual gratification and ego stroking. And what pleases the ego more than sex?

Lets have a little look see into how sex alters the brain in both sexes.

When a woman has an orgasm the hormone oxytocin - known as the love hormone -  is released.

This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more. It increases levels of empathy and here's the fun part, it tricks the mind and body into thinking your are in love. 

The problem is the body can't distinguish whether the person we're with is a casual fuck or marriage material, oxytocin is released either way. While oxytocin might help you bond with someone lovely, it is also the reason you feel so miserable when a short term relationship ends. And we all know how 

venimous a woman scorned is, and these chaps are literally fucking blind folded, they don't know the woman's history ~ she might be off her rocker ~ which in turn could lead to the poor unsuspecting chap who simply wanted to get his end away, in fact turn into him getting his end chop off. 

 So now you see that it's actually pretty fucking dangerous getting involved in the veritable feast that is the dating pool.  

 When a man has sex the main hormone released is dopamine - the pleasure hormone. Although men do not get the same lovey dovey feelings that women do, the surge of dopamine is addictive thus bringing men back for more and perhaps confusing women with the feeling of real intimacy where as it's actually a simple chemical reaction they're interest in. 

Please do not think I am condemning sex, far from it.
Sex is bloody genius, it's not only a seriously fun thing to do, it's actually incredibly good for you and your well being. 

The endorphins produced in those moments (let's hope it's more than mere moments, aim for hours girls and boys. Stamina.) of mindless loveliness can really help treat bouts of misery and clear a fuzzy mind.
An orgasm releases an extra shot of serotonin to your brain which acts as an anti-depressant making you feel cheerful, emotionally balanced and content.
It's also very commen for people to cry after sex because of the high dose of endorphins released and heightened emotions. Or they/you could just be a really lousy fuck. If that's not a good reason to cry, I don't know what is.
According to a little article I read, having an orgasm is the body's equivalent of a natural high,

No need to spend any money at all, just use your imagination!

 Jesus Christ, if that isn't a great way to put a spin on anti drug slogans, I don't know what is.

 "Why waste your heard earned cash on weed when with the right imagination and the correct application, you can get yourself off for free!"
Ok, back on track.
I believe the point I am trying to make here is we live in such a virtual reality that we wouldn't know any thing true or real if it smacked us in the face with its fleshy hand.

And not only that, it's a bloody con. At least hook up sites like Grindr are honest. 

That's what it is. Dishonest. 

How can any good possible come from something based on fantasies, virtual reality and dishonesty?

Say it as it is, don't sugar coat it. Be unapologetic. 

I'll leave you all to have a little ponder on that. 

Thank you for reading and I'm terribly sorry if I've offended you. Terribly sorry you're a fucking wet blanket. 

Over and out,

x