Lovers & Fuckers.

Well it hasn't half been a while.

And in true me form, I'm back with a rather offensive thud.

A few days ago I got to thinking about online dating.

I realise this is rather a sensitive subject to write about, seeing as it seems to be the most popular go to way to meet people in this day and age. 

Statistics say that 46% of Tinders users are lying little bastards when they say they're single.

With a staggering 10 million (yes, million) people using Tinder daily, they boast that they can indeed do magic, matching up 1 Billion couples. 

One fucking billion. 

Here's a fun scary fact, the largest age block of users age range from 25 years old to 34 years young. The second largest are a baffling tiddly tiny 16-24 years old. My point is why are these young men and women searching with their fingers through false profiles with fake promises, instead of getting their young arses out of the house and off of their phones to find a match? 

What's gone so wrong that people need a screen in front of them to feel confident enough to sell themselves as desirable?

So here's my take on it, and before I embark on a wordy rant, I feel I must say  this.

Nothing I'm about to say here should be taken as any kind of suggestion or evidence that anyones personally chosen way of having sex or a relationship or anything one person needs, wants or desires when it comes to either thing is right or wrong. 

Phew. 

I'll begin. 

It's a virtual reality and isn't in fact about making a life long match or any real connection at all, it's about fulfilling a certain need quickly and evidently quite effectively.

 You can re-invent yourself completely, hell, you don't even have to use your own name let alone your own picture. You can be anyone, say anything. 

After all, who are you really talking to? 

For all you know it could be a strange kinky little robot with a penchant for nipple clamps.

Do morals and beliefs get left at the proverbial door or do they fail to exist in the first place?

Isn't it just a way to hook up and sleep with people of a similar mindset who aren't brave enough walk up to someone in a bar in fear of being shunned or misunderstood?

With tag lines like "do you have a dead donkey, because I'd be willing to stuff that ass" can anyone really expect to find love? 

Statistics say that most men are on theses sites to fulfill a sexual fantasy, with the protection of their computer screen as a wing man in case shit hits the fan. 

Statistics also say that men drawn to these sort of sites are not ready or able to embark on a real relationship, moving from one online created connection to the next without ever really having to worry about the consequences. Let's face it, one simple block of a finger and you're as good as a missing person, never to be found again by the poor 'unsuspecting' insignificant others.

It didn't particularly come as a surprise to me that I couldn't find much about the kind of women attracted to dating sites, it would seem as if women want men to look like the bastards here, hunting for innocent girls to prey on, when I know for sure that women are on these sites looking for a casual fling with no strings attached.

And may I just say, fair play to both sexes. If that tickles your fancy, you carry on. 

The internet dating world enables us to engage in such a way which is as good as meaningless. 

Which leads me onto my next point, how can anyone fall for it and why doesn't it just come out the god damn closet and front up to what it really is. A no strings attached, no frills quick fuck then fuck off affair. 

I believe there are a few kind hearted souls who really are on there to find their little fairytale ending, the majority of users (being the operative word) are purely on there for sexual gratification and ego stroking. And what pleases the ego more than sex?

Lets have a little look see into how sex alters the brain in both sexes.

When a woman has an orgasm the hormone oxytocin - known as the love hormone -  is released.

This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more. It increases levels of empathy and here's the fun part, it tricks the mind and body into thinking your are in love. 

The problem is the body can't distinguish whether the person we're with is a casual fuck or marriage material, oxytocin is released either way. While oxytocin might help you bond with someone lovely, it is also the reason you feel so miserable when a short term relationship ends. And we all know how 

venimous a woman scorned is, and these chaps are literally fucking blind folded, they don't know the woman's history ~ she might be off her rocker ~ which in turn could lead to the poor unsuspecting chap who simply wanted to get his end away, in fact turn into him getting his end chop off. 

 So now you see that it's actually pretty fucking dangerous getting involved in the veritable feast that is the dating pool.  

 When a man has sex the main hormone released is dopamine - the pleasure hormone. Although men do not get the same lovey dovey feelings that women do, the surge of dopamine is addictive thus bringing men back for more and perhaps confusing women with the feeling of real intimacy where as it's actually a simple chemical reaction they're interest in. 

Please do not think I am condemning sex, far from it.
Sex is bloody genius, it's not only a seriously fun thing to do, it's actually incredibly good for you and your well being. 

The endorphins produced in those moments (let's hope it's more than mere moments, aim for hours girls and boys. Stamina.) of mindless loveliness can really help treat bouts of misery and clear a fuzzy mind.
An orgasm releases an extra shot of serotonin to your brain which acts as an anti-depressant making you feel cheerful, emotionally balanced and content.
It's also very commen for people to cry after sex because of the high dose of endorphins released and heightened emotions. Or they/you could just be a really lousy fuck. If that's not a good reason to cry, I don't know what is.
According to a little article I read, having an orgasm is the body's equivalent of a natural high,

No need to spend any money at all, just use your imagination!

 Jesus Christ, if that isn't a great way to put a spin on anti drug slogans, I don't know what is.

 "Why waste your heard earned cash on weed when with the right imagination and the correct application, you can get yourself off for free!"
Ok, back on track.
I believe the point I am trying to make here is we live in such a virtual reality that we wouldn't know any thing true or real if it smacked us in the face with its fleshy hand.

And not only that, it's a bloody con. At least hook up sites like Grindr are honest. 

That's what it is. Dishonest. 

How can any good possible come from something based on fantasies, virtual reality and dishonesty?

Say it as it is, don't sugar coat it. Be unapologetic. 

I'll leave you all to have a little ponder on that. 

Thank you for reading and I'm terribly sorry if I've offended you. Terribly sorry you're a fucking wet blanket. 

Over and out,

x

Less Deepak Chopra, More Deeply Sarcastic.

So, I've been thinking about writing up a 'serious' post but whenever I actually sit down to put fingers to keyboard, nothing comes out. I have all these idea's about interesting subjects I have strong opinions on and they all go up in a puff of smoke when I attempt to verbalise (or the writing equivalent) them. So I thought here's what I'll do, I'll just write and see what comes out. You're all in for a real treat, my mind has a terrible habit of coming up with the most obscure things.

The first thing that pops into my head is why people always seem to want more. People as a whole are seldom satisfied with what they have, always pushing the limit of what's on offer. Take this for instance, when it comes to relationships - of any kind, mostly the 'romantic' kind - talking to someone for hours, seeing someone and doing something lovely for an evening leaves us wanting more, or at least it should, I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think anyone lets that feeling thaw out before they're pestering the other person for another date to put in their diary, another conversation, more. Why is no one satisfied with what they have? The feeling of wanting more should be celebrated, instead it's seen as an unsure thing, ie, What more is there? What will happen? When will it happen? 

Mentally going on overdrive, worrying about what hasn't and might not ever actually happen seems like a lot of hard work when what 'we' should be doing is going with the flow, not pushing against the current, what will be will be and pushing it is a sure fire way to drive anything way in the other direction.

See now I'm rambling and I don't quite know what my point is yet, I'll get to it. 

Mick Jagger whines about being unable to get satisfaction, and funnily enough it seems to be the national anthem these days. The fact of the matter is everything and everyone is so accessible, 'available now, available 5 minutes ago' there's no bloody mystery any more. Facebook even tells you when someone has seen your message, If you don't reply immediately, you are a bastard. I think what I'm trying to say here is technology and it's hold on people, is responsible for an awful lot of fuck ups and misunderstandings. These days people check their phone before turning over and saying good morning to one another, I have been more than guilty of this on countless occasions but isn't it a bit fucked up? I saw a couple walking along the sea front both glued to their phones, not looking at the sky or the sea, least of all looking at each other, missing out on the real world because they are so involved in the fantasy that they've created via the power of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. Too busy telling the world what they're doing to actually enjoy themselves while they are doing it, it almost seems like we want to constantly boast about what we're eating, drinking, doing, who we're seeing, who hurt us, pisses us off, blah, blah, blah.

Now I say all of this as an insider, I'm absolutely guilty of all of the above, I just wonder how it all came to be. Its like a crazy frenzy that's taken hold with a vice like grip and refuses to let go, or worse yet, doesn't want to be let go. 

It's all smoke and mirrors isn't it? Talking to people online is a recipe for disaster as far as i'm concerned, getting to know the version of someone they want you to see. It's kind of like having empty feelings for an idea of something or someone. Sure, you can fall in love with the idea of someone, easy, the reality is probably very different. I'm talking overweight, balding and string vest alcoholic, 'here's a picture of me from 20 years ago' different. 

While I am ranting, what oh what does the fashion industry actually bring to the table? Yes beautiful clothes, but at a price and i'm not just talking the extravagant price on the tag. I'm talking making people  - mostly girls - feel inferior because they don't have the perfectly beautiful long limbs, the beautiful hair, glowy skin, manicured nails that are all manufactured and manipulated. Designers, hairstylists, make up artists, being paid ridiculous amounts of money for what? 

As promised, I'm now wittering on. 

Basically, be happy now, don't beat yourself up, don't fish for the future, don't live in the past because although it affected your reality then, it doesn't have to affect your future. Let go! Here and right now is pivotal. It's literally all there is or ever might be. For the love of god seize the moment. 

Over and out x

The Phantom Rummager.

Hello Chaps!
Sincere apologies to all my dedicated followers (please know I'm being humorous) for being on hiatus, computer problems, and the iPhone version app is completely and utterly useless. I know you've all been waiting with breath that is baited for my next instalment, well here it is!
I've always been a charity shop lover, the more crowded and packed the shelves and rails are in a shop, the better. I suppose you could call me a rummager.. So, while I was rummaging through my local charity shop's colour coded rails (I don't know whether I love or hate the fact they colour code their clothes yet) I stumbled upon this little number. The colour isn't one I'd usually go for but, the neckline is  so beautiful I had to snap it up. In fact, the entire cut of the dress is dreamy. There's something to be said for a really beautifully tailored dress, every girl should have at least one. I guess the male equivalent would be a nicely fitted shirt or pair of trousers.
Gentlemen, look at your trousers, are they well fitted? Do they compliment your bottom? Back to me. I'm making ridiculous Old Spice references. (Please lord, look up 'Old Spice, The Man Your Man Should Smell Like' on YouTube. You're welcome.)
Now I'm a girl that enjoys pockets in things, I often don't know what to do with my hands and pockets are my friend at times like these. They're also super handy for tissues, phones, lollipops and kittens, if you're into that sort of thing.

What's that? I've just posted three very similar pictures? Yes siree.

I bet you wouldn't believe me if I told you this dress cost me a whole £5.95, so I won't tell you. You can all guess. 

England being England, has turned pretty grey and dismal the past few weeks and my poor tan has taken a turn for the worst, saying that, if you have £2.99 and legs to walk to your nearest Savers drugstore, you can in fact buy said tan in a can under the alias St. Moriz. I highly recommend it as the perfect accomplice to this fawny colour. That and some gold shoes.

These metallic devils are from River Island and I adore them.

Ooh! And something similar to the nail varnish colour I'm wearing here, this ones Calvin Klein 'Cabernet' and I'm in love with it's winey tones. (Not winey in the Bryan Ferry sense.)

Last but not least, add smackings of dark red lipstick and dye hair ginger for maximum effect.

That's pretty much all from me folks!

Over & Out x

*Special thanks to Shrimpy, Piggy and Fruity for photo bombing.

Rockins Silken Finery

'Silken Finery is a collection of 1920s inspired bias cut scarves and classic handkerchiefs with a modern and quintessentially British edge. The brainchild of partners Tim Rockins and Jess Morris, Silken Finery, although still a very modest project in its nascent stages is already a favorite with the London it crowd.'

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here today in the face of this company – to join together this woman and this scarf in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why 

they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

 Everyone one holding their peace? Good, then I'll begin. 

This beauty of a scarf was a present from a darling friend of mine and I am absolutely in love. 

It's tall dark and handsome, everything you could want in a ma.. scarf.

Don't get me started on the design, it is just perfect. With everything a girl could wish for scattered all over its beautiful surface, from eyes to nails - the kind you bang into things - it's classic, rocky, yet feminine. It really is a dreamboat and as you can tell, I'm a little infatuated with it.

                                           

At first the length scared me a little but once I got the hang of it, it was better than I could hope for. The moral of the story being, if you relax and go with it, no matter the size, you'll be pleasantly surprised. 

(The bad rhyming is a side effect of it's fabulousness, be warned.)

So, I got to thinking that with such a lengthy little number, the versatility was endless. 

Here meaning I fashioned it into a fabulous top by wrapping it around myself, starting with either end, either side of me and wrapping as if my life depended on it! Think santa's helpers on heat, fastening it in a tight knot, and I mean tight. We're talking about 100% silk here ladies and gentlemen, if you don't tie the sucker up tight enough there is every chance it will slip and reveal your goods.

I paired it with a vintage pair of homemade Levi's, meaning I lopped the legs off with a pair of scissors and hoped for the best. 

And a vintage belt that has the sweetest little things on it, houses, golfers, umbrella's, the usual.

These Topshop holographic sandals make life so much better, and they are casual and smart enough at the same time that you can wear the little devils just about anywhere.

Although they are wonderful for the day, I like to mix it up a little for the evening and add these little beauties... Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the other love of my life, Mr Jeffrey Campbell.

I can't actually express quite how I feel about these shoes via the power of text. If I were explaining them to you in person I would be using the power of interpretive dance to show you just how much I love them. 

Here the 'top' is in all it's glory - excusing me and my terrible love of posing!

Alternatively I have worn this little beauty as a head scarf..

Top it off with a slick of red lipstick and you're good to go.

The possibilities are endless! 

Stay tuned for more folks.. 

x

Pssstt,  I highly recommend you go and check out their gorgeous website and other designs here *points down*

Rockins

Get Ready With Me, Me.

Hello flower pots!

I thought I'd go through what I personally do to get myself ready for a big event or and evening out..

First and foremost, if you are a lady - or a gentleman - who dye's their hair, I recommend dying it a few days before your event. That way if you mess it up you have a couple of days to fix it! 

Secondly, I went to India a few years ago and had my teeth whitened. They sent me home with gum shield type things that are exact moulds of my teeth and Colgate whitening jollop. So! I like to pop these on and whiten my pearly babies for extra Tza Tza Tzu!

Next off, if you are a fan of the tanned, golden god/goddess look I would recommend having a cheeky sunbed in advance, lets say a week. That or pop a little St. Tropez on! I can't stress quite how important I think it is to do the whole tanning business a good week before what ever you have planned because lets face it, no one wants to look like a lobster/Umpa Lumpa! At least you've got 7 days under your belt to de-red and scrub yourself within an inch of your life if it all goes horribly wrong!

Pluck your eyebrows around about three days before, they can be petulant little blighters and need a few days taming!

I usually like to know what I'm wearing in advance, so pick your outfit options out a good week before. 

Mess about with which hair looks best with which outfit and generally have fun playing dress up!

My number one tip is drink water. And I mean really drink it, drink it as if your life depends on it. 

No one wants dodgy, pimply skin. This is a rule of mine that is so far fail proof! Drink like you mean it for 7 days straight and be amazed by the results.

On the skin note, I am a huge fan of tea tree oil. If my skin is acting up, which thankfully it doesn't tend to very often, I bung a load of undiluted oil on my face at night and wake up pleasantly surprised! I've been using it as my go to problem skin solver for yonks! That and a dab of toothpaste applied to any nastiness and Alakazam! skin is fresh as a daisy!

I personally also suggest eating well leading up to anything you need to look good for, lots of fresh greenery and fruit - you will thank me later gals!

Exercise. My weapon of choice is yoga. It lengthens you out and balances your mind. What more could you want? I suggest getting your mat out for at least 20 minutes every day.

Get a good nights sleep the evening before, go to bed with a cup of camomile tea and read a book. Or you could do what I do and race around like a lunatic adding finishing touches to your outfit, coffee in hand.. Either or!

Oooh and don't forget to pop plasters, headache tablets, hairspray and perfume in your bag!

And as it's the 21st century, I also suggest, instead of taking your phone charger with you, that you pop into your local phone shop and buy a portable charger (which I did for my bad tempered little beast of an iPhone) I can't recommend them highly enough! Simply charge that bad boy up the night before and voila, you have unlimited (within reason) phone life!

That's all folks!

Much love x

Nordoff Robbins.

Hello my beauties! So last friday I went to an event in London I am lucky enough to go to every year, that raises money for a music therapy charity called Nordoff Robbins.

It's a spectacular charity that in my mind isn't nearly as well known about as it should be. For me personally, being very musical and driven by music, I can't speak highly enough about the work they do. So far there are three facilities in the UK. The music therapists are there mainly to focus on getting children literally back on their feet, helping with speech through the powerful medium that is music and playing instruments. Their belief is everyone can be reached through music and I couldn't agree more.

 Music is one of the most powerful forces in the world, we each turn to it for support, comfort, reassurance, when we need a good cry or when we are happy. Music brings out the best and worst in each of us depending on what we need it for and it is always, always there for you. It seems to me that love drives music, loss of it, finding it, heart break and all the wonderful messiness in between.

It triggers both wonderful and awful memories, and can transport you back to precise moments in history, how you felt in that moment, be it with someone or alone. As I said, its powerful stuff. It can even help bring back memories as the Nordoff Robbins therapists demonstrate daily. Amazingly, the charity raised a whopping £500,000 last friday! Thanks to the help of a certain Mr. Jimmy Page signing a guitar and auctioning it off to none other than Mark King of Level 42, for the grand total of £35,000!

It costs just over £1000 to employ a music therapist, which is incredibly reasonable considering the insanely amazing work they do. Music therapists a plenty after the fabulous grand total!

Every year there is a story about someone who's life has been changed by Nordoff Robbins, this year a boy with severe autism, who just before Christmas tried to take his own life, thankfully his parents found him just in time. Since discovering Nordoff Robbins and working with a wonderful therapist, he was at the charity lunch the other day, full of life and enthusiasm. Actually seeing the good this charity does absolutely warms the cockles of my heart. I am going to visit one of the clinics at some point this year and offer myself up to help which ever way I can. I feel very passionately about their work and am privileged to be even a little part of it. 

Ok! On to my outfit! First of all I am one to dress up at the drop of a hat. I love an excuse to get dolled up! I'm usually terribly unorganised when it comes to my outfit, rushing around like a fool the night before trying everything mine and my Mumma's wardrobe has to offer. I might just add that this still happened, and I did indeed, true to form, rush around like a blue behind fly trying every manner of outfit on! To get back on track, the dress code it 'smart/casual' which I have never been able to understand, it like an oxymoron of itself! So, I hunted my new obsession, Depop, for something no one else would be wearing when I stumbled upon this little beauty of a duo. It's from Miss Selfridges and was in fact brand new with tags on when I received it! Its simply beautiful, and versatile! I love the fact it matches which is funny because i'm usually one to mix materials and prints up. 

I popped this gorgeous little vintage belt over the top to give the centre some focus.

Smacked a pair of Jeffrey Campbell red velvet platform boots on, my trusty blue velvet jacket and I was good to go!

I know it's selfie central, I couldn't help myself tho, the background is just so lovely! The gorgeous wallpaper belongs to the Georgian haven that is Home House, a private members club. 

Mini underground car park photo shoot! 

I encourage you to go and have a look at the great work Nordoff Robbins do here 

www.nordoff-robbins.org.uk

Thats all from me my loves, over and out x

Playing Dress Up.

I have a charity lunch I'm lucky enough to go to every year called Nordoff Robbins. It's a charity that believes music can speak to and even heal the poorliest of people, but mainly children. It holds that the unique qualities of music as therapy can enhance communication, support change, and enable people to live more resourcefully and creatively. Sounds pretty good to me! It's something I am more than happy to be a part of and help raise money for, being musical myself I am even more for this wonderful charity. The dreaded question on the tip of me tongue every year, is what on earth am I going to wear? Being a little forward thinking I bought a matching shorts and crop top combo outfit from Depop (my current obsession.) if you haven't heard of it, it's like a combination of Instagram and eBay. The sweet little combo is originally from Miss Selfiedges and I couldn't resist it's colourful charm! Coming to a grand total of £14 (including postage) I am thrilled with it's loveliness! The shorts are  high waisted enough to meet the crop top leaving just enough midriff (just below the rib cage) on show not to appear cheap or slutty. No one wants or needs to see your navel! I popped some beautifil Barry M nail polish on, a few pretty rings and wham, I'm almost ready to go! I'll do a feature post of the loveliness that is Barry M nail varnish soon as I stocked up on a few.. 

The belt is vintage and optional but in my eyes, necessary and eye catching. I am all for throwing lots of colours and textures together, it's not for everyone tho! The sequined jacket is my lovely Mumma's and comes from River Island.  Will do a more indepth post when I have a little more time on my paws, I am wearing my beloved Jeffrey Campbell's, although they didn't quite make it into the picture! 

That's about it from me sweet ones. Thank you for tuning in! 

x